Mawidge, is what bwings us together today…
But really. That is the topic of this post. I have been really making an effort to dig in further on biblical topics that will (maybe soon maybe not) be effecting my life at some point in the future. I want to be as prepared as I can, and for me researching and setting “ideals” for different areas in my life really helps me. I am going to give you a glimpse of Courting and Dating, and hopefully answer the questions: What is it? Is it inherently evil? Should you date as a christian? By the end of this post.
So Dating. Up until the Sexual revolution “dating” was not a common practice.. If a man wanted to pursue a woman he had to ask her father before any action was taken forward in the relationship. And that relationship was directed towards marriage. Always. They had their “eye on the prize.” The “prize” being marriage. Now a days people (kids really) start dating as soon as they hit their teens (sometimes before) which they have no business doing. Later sixteen year old (still minors and technically children) are dating and have been for some time now. In high school your “prize” is very unlikely to be marriage. Therefore that relationship is simply an opportunity to give yourself away either emotionally or physically. Finally you have “adult” dating which in our culture is basically dating for maybe a month and afterwards engages physically in a way that is NOT what God intended for us. Now most would say “That is not how I go about dating,” or “That is not every relationship,” and you would be right. There are many Christians who date and maintain the standards given to us in the bible. However statistically speaking that is not the case. You may very well be in the minority (as I thought I was) but lets take a look at courting and evaluate our “standards”
Courting. An age old process that many (including me until recently) considered outdated, unromantic and to patriarchal in mentality. To me until recently I thought that courting made a relationship to serious too fast. However after reading a series from Boundless I have re-evaluated my standards. While I do not agree 100% with how they go about courting they truly put it in perspective for me. Before I tell you my take on it I will outline the posts. In the 8 part series they have about dating the jist of what they said was Marriage is sacred. It is a serious commitment, probably the most serious commitment you can make with another human being. You are committing to this person for life. There is a reason for the “til death do us part” because (with limited exceptions) there is nothing that can break that union in God’s eyes. Legally yes you can break it but in Gods eyes you are married for life.
Now coming from that perspective lets look at courting. It is a process that involves a man, a woman, a form of accoutability (usually in the form of the family or trusted spiritually mature friends), and a goal of marriage and holiness. The process contridics much if not all of societies methods of dating which has little to no accountability with parents or mature christians. The thing that always got on my nerves about courting was that I thought it gave parents too much power. My logic was I am an adult. I am mature and I can make my own decisions. Did you notice all of the I’s there? Exactly. I was thinking about what I want, what I think, and my abilities to make decisions. But in all honesty we can all admit to numerous times where our parents suggested (or told) us something and we chose not to go along with it, later realizing that our parents were right. It takes humility to be able to admit that. If you truly like someone it is easy to be blinded by the fog of being in like with someone so far that you miss a glaringly obvious defect in their spiritual life or personality. I think of it like proof reading a paper. Its always good to get a second pair of eyes to proof read for errors, and you would not have your six year old sibling proof read your college paper. You want someone who knows what they are doing. Hence your parents. You need someone to proof read your perspective spouse when you have the fog clouding your judgement.
So to answer the questions I listed above lets look at the mindset behind each. In dating the relationship is between a man a woman with little or no accountability. The goal is sometimes to get married… eventually. But more often than not people date simply to have fun. Basically “acting married” to borrow a phrase from Boundless’ post. Both physically and emotionally. Causing pain to one or both parties when it eventually ends. In courting, a man, a woman and their families enter into a relationship with the intent to get to know their perspective spouse. There is accountability with godly individuals that help them to maintain both their emotional and physical purity. Courtship often ends with marriage and is almost never an exercise to “just have fun.” Although it can cause just as much pain as a break up from dating the emotional and physical purity is much more easily maintained.
So is dating inherently evil? I am not sure, but it does often lead to and provide many opportunities to sin. From the last answer I think the second question is pretty intuitive. Should Christians date? In the sense of the cultures dating with out accountability no. My strongest opposition to courting up until very recently was its to serious to fast. But ask yourself. Where in the scripture does it say dating for fun can or should be done? What is your goal in the relationship? If the answer to the second question is not marriage then you are not ready to date or court, because we are supposed to save ourselves both physically and emotionally for our spouses. We can not save ourselves by dating “for fun.”
I know this is a lot to absorb, I still feel the same. I will do a part 2 on how I will go about courting when I get to that point. I think having at least an idea or outline in minde beforehand can really help you make sound decisions without the emotional fog that comes from setting standards in the moment.
Be blessed!!
Jewelle
Young But Faithful 