Hey all! Today am going to be telling you all about the last 6 months. As the title describes it has been “the struggle” both financially and mentally. I have had to really place God at the center of it all, and without Him I would not have made it to where I am now.
As of this January, due to financial issues that I won’t go to into detail about, I am currently taking off a year and a half off school to work so I can go back to school next fall. Now it’s actually very simple to just say, but the devistation that I went through this past year will be better understood if I go back and explain some of my life goals and struggles.
Growing up I did a lot of things I danced, played piano, sang and of course I went to school. While I was not bad at anything, the one thing that I could say definitively was “I am good a school.” I am very type A and I enjoy reading/studying/learning. And since there is no other interpretation of grades then what is in front of you it was a constant for me. In high school and I started stressing out about my grades, getting into college, and becoming a nurse as I feel called to. This stress led to me having anxiety about classes and having about 1 panic attack/semester about a project, test, or assignment. Through college I struggled with ways to cope and by the end of freshman year I learned that by planning out EVERYTHING I could relieve a lot of stress for myself and even trick myself into not procrastinating. I spent most the time I wasn’t at work studying or doing homework. I coped by trying to know everything and not letting anything slip through the cracks. I held myself to a very high standard and did not allow much time for relaxing during the school year. I did not think about where my identity was because I was pursuing my calling but I was consumed with my one goal and forgot to enjoy the journey there.
When I moved to Richmond and got involved in community here I realized that making time for friends is just as important as making time for my faith. I also realized how interconnected the two can be when in a Christian community. This past fall I was the most involved in a Christian community I have ever been, and my faith has grown immensely. While I still planned out my time (which for me is very relaxing) in my schedule I made time for friends, and community a priority. Despite the growth and community my world shattered when I found out I could not go back to school. I lost the one thing that I have ever been able to confidently say I was good at, and I was lost in where my identity was. The only thing that was sure in my life was God, my family, and my community in Chi Alpha.
I came back to Richmond this spring and my parents blessed me by agreeing to give me 3 months to find a job so I can stay in Richmond permanently. For 2 and a half months I searched and searched all the while making sure I was always in community by helping with set up for large group or any events we had, tabling and doing Discipleship group. I found nothing, I had many interviews none of which resulted in a job and all the while I was stubbornly holding on to staying in RVA because that is what I wanted. As time went on I realized that I may be going home and I cried and prayed and eventually accepted the possibility. I called old jobs from back home, thought about bible studies I would start so I could continue to grow in Christ and made plans for going home. While I still wanted to stay in Richmond I was finally at peace with whatever God had for me.
In mid February I went to Winter retreat (a Christian weekend retreat) and spent time in the prayer room. I asked God to give me peace about my situation, for a job, and for direction in where I was supposed to be right now. In the weeks leading up to retreat I had be praying and accepting that I may be going home and trusting God despite that. At retreat I recieved an answer about where I am called to be. Holy Spirit put on my heart that I am supposed to be in Richmond, and let me tell you I was thrilled. Despite having no job and little to no prospects, in that moment I experienced so much peace and joy about staying, and I trusted that God would work it out.
It was March, my final month and I had not found a job. I was preparing to move home mentally while still trusting that God put me here and called me here so it will work out. It was a funny balance of practicality and faith that could easily be mistaken as denial. I didn’t find a job until 1 week before I was supposed to go home. It was 2 days before I left for a missions trip and in those 2 days I was hired for 2 jobs. It was the miracle I was looking for and I am grateful for my jobs every day.
The past six months have been the biggest financial struggle I have experienced in my short 20 years of life. Several situations were dropped in my lab that I truly was not prepared for, but in this time I have been able to find out what it truly means to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. I did not know how I was staying in richmond, just that I was. I am coming and sharing this from a point of gratefulness and because I hope my testimony can be used to encourage others, and provid a glimpse of the amazing power of Jesus Christ in every day circumstances. Faith in God is not in vain.
God Bless,
Jewelle
Young But Faithful 